Frölicking trails since 2010

Frölicking trails since 2010
Frölicking trails since 2010

Monday, September 23, 2013

Classified Ad - Handsome 100 mile Pacer

Hello Ladies...

Would you like someone who can handsomely assist you in fulfilling your life's ultimate dream in completing a 100 mile trail race? You're in luck! Allow me to be your certified Handsome Pacer, and I can make your late night hallucinations come true. Why yes, I am wearing a kilt in my Blog Cover Photo. Imagine staring at that pleated celtic ass all night long. Or maybe my cheetah shorts will be more to your liking? Purrr...

Ladies, you deserve the handsomely best,
so put those caffeine GUs to rest,
because my stride will stimulate your mind,
like a tachycardia rhythm in your chest.

That's called poetry...sweet sweet poetry that I will recite for you through the night. Heck, I'll even sing countless moderately tempo'd romance songs for you, if it makes you forget the pain in your feet. Because there's no pain that can't be overcome by the feeling of a light-heart, being massaged by lyrical professions of romance.

What's that? Your legs are cramping? Good thing I always run with a bottle of massage oil. Lucky you. Oh, your laces are untied? Allow me to bend down and double knot the shit out of those bunny ears. No extra charge. Oh, now your lips are chapped? Good thing I just put a fresh dose on my lips. I can think of one way to transfer that Vanilla SPF 15. Sparks may occur. Use caution.

So Ladies, if you yearn for some late night company, then allow me to shuffle with you from dusk till dawn on the trail-way to heaven. My treat.

Yours Truly,
To the Finish Line and beyond,


Pacing Amy for a total of 1 mile into Forest Hill.
That was probably her favorite mile of the race...I mean, why wouldn't it be?
Photo by Bob MacGillivray.

P.S. And no, the fact that I was labeled a 'Handsome Pacer' at the Happy Girls half marathon this past weekend did absolutely nothing to my all.